Story of Question

THE STORY OF QUESTION

Ignasius Heri Satrya Wangsa

It is about Question

Man keep asking and looking for the best Answer. And, when the best Answer is given there is no such a finished thing. Here, it is not about the Answer rather the journey to meet the Question. It always happens particular Question comes out  especially during times of dryness, desolution or crises. A time when man has to give up his great understanding about everything as there is no satisfying Answer. Why God brings me here? What is it all about? This is the story of Question.

Despite the Question, the person who owns it might be the object of reflection too. Why does he has that Question? One time I went to do volunteer work in a feeding programme for the poor. This programme was run by nearby Catholic church where I lived. The first impression when I started a conversation with the people involved in the programme was: Who are you? And, why are you doing this? Interestingly, there were no finished Questions. One Question came, the Answer was provided, then another new Question followed. Surprisingly, I was disturbed by that Question. I felt uncomfortable with it. Perhaps, the Question(s) could lead me to know about myself.

Of course, this is not about the Question and Answer, but the curiosity. People are always curious of certain thing. There is a need to know more, better and acurate. In my case, when I was trying to give best Answer, the result is always going to the opposite direction. At the end, I found out that I got less chance to know about other (as I have less Question). When I reflect on this, suddenly I have many things to explain. I would not say that this is a mutualism. I may know little about others but I can enrich myself. There is a wisdom in it that man is very selfish. It is true that selfishness can be seen slightly from the Question. Some are always with too many things to know. It seems that  information is everything as it can support your decision making process.

Some people whom I met shared about themselves, their life, their family. They shared moment of joy and sorrow. Sometimes in my reflection, people really need to be accepted in a very special way. Indeed, it is not easy to be a listener. As a listener you have to place yourself as a passive person. You become just like an object, but the living object when others can access you. Is it a crises of acceptance? Or, crises of love?

Perhaps, those are all about feeling (and emotion). Feeling is driving you to the situation where joy and happiness are the essence. Meaning to say, the primary needs are joy and happiness. This is the main road that you have to take: do more for joy and happiness, and do less for sorrow and sadness.

The Question you would like to present actually is not just a Question. This reflects what is inside you. It shows at least that you are connected to content of that Question. It can be normative reason such as social motive. Presenting the Question is the way you want to get close to particular person. It is the same as an effort to welcome him using the social language. For example, the Question: how are you? Or, how are things?

During the volunteer work in the church’s feeding programme “Soup Kitchen” recently at St John Cathedral - Kuala Lumpur and Church of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary - Singapore, I have found that people always expressed their reaction when they see something unusual. I was trying to expose myself, and at the same time, to feel the “spirit” of charity works. I offered myself to them. I approached those who were involved: the volunteers and staff of the programme, also most importantly, people who took part in it – the poor who can’t afford for lunch. Many came up. I would not call them “the poor” as it does not sound equality. It does not sound fair to call them as “the less advantageous” too. Some of them are not really “suitable to be called as the poor”. They just take advantage of it I guess. But, for me, to come and eat in such place require strength to “sacrifice human dignity”. You should not mind losing “your face” following social label as “restricted exclusively” for the poor. In other words, those who come and eat should admit and call themselves as “the poor”. Questions were coming out: Do they come outside the context of  human dignity? Is it only dealing with basic needs “food matters”?

I met and talked with them using social language. What is so important? First, to practice being a listener. During the interaction I put myself to be their medium – the listener. I gave them some Questions as “starter”. The main idea is not to get feedback from them by forcing them to give “correct Answer”. Amazingly, most of them whom I approached gave me very positive respond eventhough some were only giving a smile. Anyway, it is not “smile matters” but at least their stimulus-response mechanism as part of social obedience are still working. Second, to recognize and understand myself better. Some volunteers whom I met were reluctant to engage in a closer or “intimate” conversation. They just gave me nice smile with a very short words. There is no idea to explain it. Perhaps it was just ladies business. By the way, most of the volunteers were ladies. They did cooking and food preparation as well.

Relationship matter

Human relationship is an interesting phenomena. There is certain nature that is hardly explainable. At one time you are able to engage in a lovely interaction with particular person. Out of this is like experiencing a worldy hell, that is when you get stuck in unhealthy interaction with others. “Flat” conversation is made without involving deep feeling and emotion. Conversation which is not “freely flowing” rather a carefully-planned one as the parties involved have to pursue certain motives.

Very often Questions are voiced out in connection with relationship matters. Disappointing Questions are those creating disappointment. It might be inappropriate word resulted in unsuccessful communication. The lesson is that be mindful with the word(s) you are going to use for your conversation. Word (really) does matter.

Very often, meaningful human interaction involves with exchange of words accomplished during a conversation. Interaction is the one in a conversation. It is communication and exchange of ideas between two parties. It may happen that this interaction is getting “worse”, of course, there is also chance it happens the opposite – the memorable one. In other words, it involves feeling and emotion. Why? Word has meaning, and most people have problem in “interpretating the word”. If you know well the person you are talking with, the chance to “excuse” misunderstanding (because of word interpretation) is very high. You become very tolerable. Drawing from this background, Question may arise because certain feeling and emotion are “present”. Why am I sad? Why am I happy? Those Questions are present because our “knowledge” of that person – the one whom we engage in a conversation.

Taken from spiritual view, interaction is also “within ourselves” – interaction with the “unknown partner”. The practical illustration is that deep inside ourselves exists “two faces” – Question and Answer (QA). QA is a single entity. When there is Question, the Answer should follow. Question need to be answered, and the Answer itself can be in a form of “reflective expression”. It is not “single” Question. The Question is not just one but many. The spiritualist would see many Qs as accumulation of one’s journeying his life. It reflects his constant struggling to encounter with so many Questions specially when things happen out of his expectation: Why did this happen to me?

Moved by Question

The Question’s existence is not alone. Indeed, it is part of active participation to look at this life beyond the physical manifestation.  Do we realize that certain physical object can say many words? Do we realize that each individuals can always see different things towards those physical object? In other words, Question is always intended to ourselves. Through this “mechanism” there is always movement and dynamics. Question is necessary so that there is always enforcement to give the best Answer. The Answer is not just intellectual exercise rather it is empirical-based. You have to work in order to find the best Answer.

The Question itself will lead you to certain direction following efforts to find the best Answer for it. Very often life is just like flowing water without any single action to live in it, to be part of it. Life is flowing meaninglessly. That is what most say. In this case, the person is freely giving himself to the outside world. Life is what other people say. Life is what other people normally do. There is no more Question because the guidance is already “there”. The guidance has become normative values which give a very clear of direction, the do’s and the dont’s that are part of main reference and “common practices” of many people.

On the opposite side, life is moved by Question. Every moment is a product of reflection in which Question and Answer co-exist in complementary relationship. Reflection is expressed in written form  and comes out from the heart spontaneously with no intervention of language manipulation or “decoration”. It is genuine and authentic, and that is  actually the real “portrait” of that person. He always asks himself, meaning to say, to challenge himself with tough Question in which he should find the Answer using his own “main reference”. Consequently, he will employ his “spiritual resources” finding the most appropriate and relevant Answer. He would not be able to make a dishonest story.

Loving companionship

There might be time when companionship is approaching to the highest state, a fruitful and meaningful companionship. There is sense of respect, full of joy and happiness. Some Questions might be helpful. They are used so that the conversation can run smoothly. Question can not be separated in loving companionship. Here, the proper Question should be part of it – the Question which is also encouragement so that the person whom you are talking with feels confident. Good point for loving companionship is that your partner will not get irritated with what you said. Or, when you see him simply he is happy with. This is an act of giving without “reservation”. You can not reserve “for compensation” even your contribution is significant or “great”.

In loving companionship setting meaningful Question is “required”. Indeed, there is through such great and encouraging Question that you will bring others to a very positive “direction”. Your Question is for them, for him/her, for the person you are talking with. Often times it happens the opposite, the Question is employed to satisfy curiosity. Dishonest and non-genuine Questions will always look for perfect Answer. They are intended to serve “ego”. In a simple word, some Questions are not good for others.

Question can be found outside. So many Questions are present in our surroundings. This shows how the world outside want to know about you. This is how the world outside looks like. What does it mean? People always look something as an object using certain “spectacles of reference”. Your Question reflects your “spectacles of reference”. You can see yourself through your Question.

Loving companionship lays in trust. You put trust on others including their curiosity on you. This will cover any Question they have. Any Answer is also “tolerable”. You know and will be known by others. It is not QA’s matter but a relationship, an exchange of empathy. But, that is just the beginning. Next step is to keep the companionship growing. In addition, keep the distance with others’ ownership of “uniqueness”. In some cases you will need more to be just “present” on listening to others. Indeed, you might be thrilled and controlled by others’ idea coming out from their head.

Question: Where are you from?

In relationship with others, Question becomes part of “main component”. Nature of human incompleteness is curiosity. It is when you want to know so many things or, God-oriented character found in human being. And, at the same time, when the best Answer can not be provided, actually there are many things that you do not know. In a simple word, you want to know many things because you do not know many things.

Question is no longer used for others but ourselves. It starts with questioning others and stops at the point where no satisfying answer can be found. Then, you get tired of it and begin to questioning yourself.  Amazingly, that is not the end of the story as it happens within the span of your life. That condition is life-time. The content of human civilization is there. No perfect Answer. There is an Answer but it is always mentioned No Perfect Answer. There is No Perfect Answer but there is always chance to gain strength by embracing QAs. Many who are caught up by nature of feeling and emotion are failed and give up. That is when the violence starts - fighting to reach ideal Answer. The rebellion way of human being which is operated by feeling and emotion. They think that this will give best Answer, but in fact, it happens the opposite. The journey of human life is not to find satisfying Answer but to encounter with the fact that there are so many unanswerable Questions.

It is not what is inside the Question: what is your Question? rather, where does the Question come from? Is it about others or ourselves? The reflective way should go  to collect those Questions and not to get the correct Answer. It is a matter of collecting and identifying all Questions  to get close with the whole idea (of life). To get close is to interact and to make a dialog.

From this point it could be explained that Questions are just the beginning – when human incompleteness needs to be rationalized. This is also where we never understand who we are. Rationalization has been employed as very powerful weapon to explain many things. It is “head” matter that has created terrible separation – man becomes undivided. For practical reason, “head” has done great job to materialize life. Life has become more visible and easy to follow (and to be valued). However, the problem in material performance is a greater need to be seen outside, at the same time, to create feeling - joy and happiness in “sensory level”. It is only able to create temporary ecstasy. It is true that this kind of “value” has been adopted as common value – life is easy.

I’m not that important but I’m blessed

When there is no more Question, all is about Answer and affirmative: Yes, I’m blessed and very thankful. All Answers are there which means no other single Question is valid. There is no need to bring out new Question.

“I’m not that important but I’m blessed” – this is the greatest acceptance and humility. It has reduced pro-ego but humbly admitted something “great” present. Our presence in this world is with story. There is great scenario behind it.

Question is about authority. A need to have power so that you can “control”. Question is present to update information and knowledge. Very often, the Question is just coming out automatically. And, all of sudden you find the “complete answer”.

The power of Question creation reflects need of authority. You want to be independent  - the seed for freedom. Interestingly, the freedom leads to authority over others’ property. The freedom is not about taking over the self – you control yourself, instead you use it to “control others”. You want to have others so that they will agree with you, they will support you. How do we know?

Doing the best thing is normal and normative but most happen when we fail to accept outside world as it is. We just give up and let ourselves be amused and consumed  by it. The worst thing is to expand area of authority. If you are in a system then you will be part of it. You become part of collective system achieving main orientation “following pattern of the system”. In a simple word, you are doing the same thing as others. This could form a serious conflict and competition. Why? People are rushing to go to the same “destination”. Basically, taking control over others is rooted from highly need to follow “the same pattern”. I need to be like you in a way that I could get more acces (to win over you). The curiosity has transformed into the spirit of competition.

However, the positive sign is that there is always such a natural law. You will not be so consumed by outside world unless you know how to keep “the distance”. You will have to encounter with Question when the outside world is so obvious and attractive, and you can not cope with it. There will be time when you go through ups and downs encountering the Question. There is no other way out except to accept and face as it is.

Great achievement is a dream of many people who are craving for the big things. The irrational way would always look for miracle and a short-cut – the shortest way to get “there”. “I am not that important” – it is because you can not achieve your great things by your own effort. It states human limitation. But, “I am blessed” – it is a statement of affirmation as human being has the ability to see himself. He is a creature of thinking.

Question is a product of collective system. It is drawn from harmonious collaboration and interaction with outside world. Your Question gives you better idea of the whole world inside you. In this case, you have opportunity to choose and to be chosen (by natural selection). Some Questions are truly manipulated to satisfy curiosity. They are not used to bring people into deep and meaningful relationship. Take it for granted. It is just “hit and run”. What you need is the Answer. It stops when the Answer is considered as “finished, complete and satisfied”.

Self-questioning

The best Question is when you are able to ask yourself, to challenge yourself with “disturbing” Question. You want to run away but you don’t. The only solution is to communicate with it. It is dealing with meeting point where what you expect is in line with what you have. It is between “to be” and “to have”. Does what you have correspond with what you want to be?

Self-questioning will not try to give best Answer rather to make it as close as possible. To sustain close interaction between the twos – to be and to have. The fact that idealism is putting more on “to be” without considering much on “to have”. Realizing that we have enough resources to claim and honour ourselves as great thinker (and problem solver), we keep ourselves busy looking for achievement and identity. The never ending story is to keep looking for “something”.  It is without thinking to have even a single short rest. Keeping mind in a busy state is sometimes just an excuse to avoid the main issue. Here, self-questioning is to “keep in-touch” with unfinished human curiosity and passion reaching the ideal.

There is also best Question in which Answer can easily be provided. You can easily give the best Answer “without thinking”. Suddenly, you become so inspired and excited. Your mind is very clear, and your whole-self is full with energy to accept life as it is.You feel better and experience such complete patience to get close with the “problem”. At the end, you will understand the problem rather than find the solution for it. Instead of running away from feeling dry, uninspired and upset, you keep staying with it. It might be dangerous “physically” but you are able to transform it into meaning. The same Question will disturb you “Why do you want to stay?”. In fact the stubborness “to stay” results on “nothing”. The grace is that you develop “something” inside. The purification. But, ego would easily come asking for extra-ordinary things. Then, it comes to attachment. Meaning to say, there is such borderline that is the maximum line you could only stay close. You will not go beyond it. If sufferings keep going even within “meaningful level” they would no longer “beneficial”.

Some friends help much showing some examples. They just come and go following expectation. Friendship and close relationship can be sustained when both parties can satisfy their expectation. “I get what I want”. Feeling and emotion are still matters. Perhaps, that is human nature. It is all about feeling and emotion. When I feel happy everything is finished. That is the highest part which needs to be achieved. Happiness. Or, perhaps the level of happiness should be well-recognized. The surface level is completely “material matter”.

Self-questioning is always looking at the self. The imperfect creature who is pretending to know everything. Again, nature of human being and limitation. The self-questioning will keep going as nature of limitation is “permanent”. And, so many questions are actually the limitation itself. Self-questioning is interiority. The interior first then exterior. Exteriority is product of interiority. Therefore, we could see how wonderful the outside is with great innovation and creativity. We could see also that “something” happen and “present” within interiority. Suddenly, you go deeper in your understanding about “it”.

The self-questioning is like a mechanism of life. Self-questioning is a sign of life. If you still concern on your present state you will always challenge yourself with difficult questions. You face the questions, live and work with them intensively. But, you will not be able to stand “alone”. That’s the “unknown part” of life. Prayer is not to be tested by practical outcome as you will be made upset. Constant and continuous-ness.

So what with the Question?

There will be no stop as long as the Question is still exist. It is not about the stop rather the reflection. New things are coming out, and each of them is meaningful and inspiring. This should drive and create new action. But, let it go naturally. Let it happen following feeling of the surroundings. Don’t let your ego take it. Once you get it leave it. Don’t even make any single reservation or think about it to assure that the flow is still exist.

It seems very common to mention the connection between Question and Answer. If you have Question, you will have to find the Answer. Indeed, it is not. In fact, more Questions are needed so that life can be moved by them. The Question will provide direction. Losing Question does mean losing direction. That is the greatest temptation – nothing to be questioned. Perhaps, lazziness or the world outside is so attractive. Question does make you busy, at the same time, initiating a stop. It is time when something is missing. It is like sudden feeling of human limitation.  Then, the religiousity comes.

Ego of intellectuality – where the brain can do many jobs, is to play with word and meaning. Many brilliant ideas are coming out to solve many (mostly economic) problems. World of ideas is not about true or false. Questioning will create a dialog to see your true-self. This is the important part. When you see yourself clearly you will see who stays behind you. You will know that you deserve “nothing”. You will give Him more respect by using all of the “faculties” to be operated in a proper manner. (c) ignaci2014

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